The Page Of Puns» bartender

A Neutron

The Pun Master — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 06:07:50 +0000

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

Ralph

The Pun Master — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 02:59:38 +0000

So this guy Ralph walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. There’s only one other person sitting at the bar and he’s way down at the other end of the room slouched over his table.

Ralph orders a drink and as he tilts his head back to imbibe the first cold one of the day he hears a very, very tiny voice say “Hey, nice tie!” Ralph sits down the drink with great speed and looks around the room. Bartender at one end washing glasses and the drunk sitting way over in the corner passed out.

Ralph shakes his head, chuckles at what just happened and writes it off as his mind just being over worked and under fed! As he lifts his mug of beer for his now much needed thirst quencher he hears “Hey buddy, that’s a fantastic button-down shirt in a very attractive broad cloth material” Now Ralph thinks the bartender must be putting him on by being a ventrilaquist. He calls the bartender over to challenge him. “Hey Yourself”, Ralph said. “Who said those things to me while I was trying to take a drink?” The bartender replied, “Look in front of you…..in the bowl on the bar……those are just complimentary peanuts!”

A Doctor

The Pun Master — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:07:50 +0000

So this doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

“No, I’m sorry”, replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”

The Dog and His Son

The Pun Master — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 10:32:17 +0000

One day a poppa dog had the job of looking after his young puppy while mommy went off shopping. He had his heart set on going to the dog show that day so asked his young son if he would like to go along. Of course that sounded exciting to the little puppy so he agreed.

While there the poppa dog entered himself in the show. Lo and behold, he came away with the blue ribbon for ‘best of show’. On the way home he suggested to his son that they stop by the local pub to celebrate with a beer or two. The puppy drank sodas while his father had several beers.

When they got home poppa realized that they had left the ribbon on the bar.

The puppy said, “You’ve had enough to drink already, Pop. I’ll run back for it.”

When he climbed up onto the bar stool the bartender asked, “What’ll you have young man?”

The puppy replied, “I’ll have Pap’s Blue Ribbon, please!”