The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of dolphins were frolicking happily. “These may LOOK like ordinary dolphins,” he told the man, “but these were given to us to sell by a genetics research group studying ways to genetically reduce aging in humans. It seems the experiment was a success on these little guys.

They can’t survive out in the wild anymore, they’re too tame, but as long as they don’t catch any severe debilitating diseases, they will live more or less forever.” The man is impressed, and being the wealthy man that he is, drops the cash to buy the dolphins and have a suitable home for them installed in his backyard.

The man became quite attached to his pets and took very good care of them, and they frolicked about in their tank happily for nearly fifteen years, much longer than any of his other pets had ever survived.

The man spared no expense for their care, and seriously considered leaving his multi-million dollar estate to them in his will. But one day they began to seem a little droopy and not very energetic. Alarmed, the man rang for the vet, who told him that alas, his precious dolphins had contracted a rare icthyoid disease, and the only antibiotic for them had to be derived from the feathers of the blue savannah parrot that lived on the jungle fringes of Africa.

The man didn’t think twice. He called up his travel agent and booked the next day’s flight to Africa, and rented a jeep and a guide and pack boy to help him bag some of these parrots. They drove up to the edge of the jungle, stopped the jeep and trudged into the trees on an old native hunting trail, nets in hand. After about six hours of this, they had bagged two of the parrots, and the man decided that would be enough feather to make enough antibiotic for his pets. So he trudges back out toward the jeep – and freezes. A huge, stately lion had decided to take a nap right in the middle of the path between him and the jeep. He looks over his shoulder and realizes that his companions have fled leaving him literally holding the bag, and the growth is too thick on either side of the trail to make it past without waking the lion. So he backs up about fifty feet, gets a running start, and leaps over the beast and makes a dash for the jeep and drives off for the airport.

Just as he is nearing sight of the airport, he hears a siren and sees some flashing lights. He dutifully pulls over, and a policeman steps up to him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’re under arrest – ”

The man interrupts him, “Oh, please, officer, I’ll pay any fine at all! I need to get these parrots back so I can make a vaccine for my dolphins so they don’t die!”

“Well, sir,” the policeman replies, “I’m afraid that’s the root of the problem. I have to arrest you for taking mynahs over the stately lion for immortal porpoises.”

Since Caesar had grown somewhat crotchety in his old age the rancher organized a crew of three men who he sent off with his ranch foreman to lead Caesar to the railroad line. After two days of travel Caesar and the crew arrived at the river near the market town. The tired crew members suggested to their foreman that they be allowed to relax and fish awhile before catching the ferryboat.

“What shall we do with Caesar while you fish?, asked the foreman.

The men replied, “Oh, he can just graze on this lush grass along the river.”

After a long period of thought the foreman decreed,

“We came to ferry Ceasar, not to graze him!”

While there the poppa dog entered himself in the show. Lo and behold, he came away with the blue ribbon for ‘best of show’. On the way home he suggested to his son that they stop by the local pub to celebrate with a beer or two. The puppy drank sodas while his father had several beers.

When they got home poppa realized that they had left the ribbon on the bar.

The puppy said, “You’ve had enough to drink already, Pop. I’ll run back for it.”

When he climbed up onto the bar stool the bartender asked, “What’ll you have young man?”

The puppy replied, “I’ll have Pap’s Blue Ribbon, please!”

An eagle lands on a nearby tree branch and says, “Not so fast, Leo buddy!” the eagle calls. “For it is *I* who is the rightful king of the jungle, as my wings enable me to attack from above, and my beak and talons rip my victims to shreds!”

Whereupon a skunk walks calmly out of the trees. Approaching the ferocious feline and fearful flighted one, he meekly says, “You’re BOTH wrong! Needing neither fight nor flight, I disable my would-be opponents most skillfully! Wanna sniff?”

And the three animals engage in a heated argument over who is the rightful king of the jungle. While they argue, oblivious to their surroundings, a huge grizzly bear walks up and eats them all – hawk, lion, and stinker.